This is difficult. This is strange. I can either point the finger or take the blame. I hate the best of you because you say its worse in me and I hate the rest of you for still keeping in tune and I hate my younger self for all those bad mistakes and I can’t stand anyone who says they can’t relate when we all drink it down. Yeah we all sleep around. You’re only better now if you were worse before.
But I don’t see why you come around digging up the dirt til I’m underground.
And I don’t hear pleasure in that sound bringing up the hurt from the underground.
Yeah this is difficult and still strange but she says “I’ve got another way.” Pulling out the needles. Pulling out the knives and I’m asking myself “What the fuck? Lets try.” Yeah I don’t see how, it just can’t be… No I don’t see why I’ve got to bleed…
It’s in your eyes. That crazy look. Unsatisfied with what you took. A brave soul. A broken ship. Fresh set of hands you scratched off your list. Whats on my mind? Not what you hoped. At least I tried and that’s enough that I did it for you.
I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to stay.
I don’t want to see you this way.
Yeah I’m the bait that got you hooked. Now I’m afraid I’m out of luck and we’re ashamed because now we’re stuck. Yeah it’s so cynical and kind of cold but I can feel you. I can feel you now. They way you hold yourself. The way you tell yourself that I did it for you….
The Pain Of Yesterday
From the first pick to the last pick it was never your call.
Growing backwards, throwing outwards to soften your fall. I can see what you go through you don’t need to go through and you promise you will do what you fail to still do.
Don’t tell me whats wrong just tell me I’m right.
It’s easy now.
Hide it away in the back of my brain.
It’s easy now.
When it’s you that I blame for all of my pain
it’s easy now.
From the first time to the last time it was never your fault. Wish that I could find the right words to soften your fall. I can see what you go through you don’t need to go through and you promise you will do what you fail to still do.
Oh Mary can you save me?
Mary can you save me now?
All I Want Is To Be Gone
Stick your tongue into my ear. Pull out love and put in fear. Hold on tight to a reason when surrounded by demons.
All I Want Is To Be Gone.
Help me out. Help me belong.
I’m not strong but I try to put in love and pull out fear.
Letting go of the reasons, I’m surrounded by demons.
And All I Want Is To Be Gone.
Help me out. Help me be numb.
She calls me. Tells me she’s worn out. Says she’s fed up with the lies. With her guy. But at that time I was a fool. I was on you. Stuck on love I never knew.
Saying you’ll find better things. Saying you need better things. Saying you’ll find better things than me.
So we said our goodbyes. Wish I had said a little more. But I was stuck in a time when I thought that I had a little more. And if love comes back I’ll be gone, long gone. Covering hearts. Covering scars. All that I want. All I ever wanted was you.
But you said…
You’ll find better things. Baby you need better things.
Baby you’ll find better things than me.
Like a fool. I believed. Like a fool I run with you.
Like a fool. I’m a fool for you.
But baby I’m yours and you’re mine.
And you’ll be…
Today I feel like doing the world a favor. Taking my own life because I feel that I’m taking up too much space and in my head they’re saying I’m better off dead anyway.
Before I go I want you to know the things I said and the things I did I never meant at all. I only wanted to feel like I had some kind of control over you.
After all I’ve done to you, you still call me a friend.
After I abandoned you, you said you’d still be there.
Too late. I feel I’m doing myself a favor. Trying to live right is harder than it looks and in my head I hear them saying I’m better off dead anyway.
Before I go I want you all to know the love we shed and friendships that we lose. Never meant at all to cause you any pain. I only wanted to feel like I had something again…
All songs written by Rolando Velasquez AKA The Speak Low